Our Children

 

 

 

 

Our Children

These are our children.

These are our children.

Can’t seem to find the words

These are our children

These are our children.

Not in my name.

Not running away I am speaking up. Saying something.

Speaking up for our Children

These are our Children.

Love them. Open arms. tenderness.

Long journey. Tired. Scared. You are welcome here. All are welcome here who seek safety.

Sorry. Please forgive us.

We can’t won’t keep our own children safe in their kindergarten class.

No gun control.

Being stong means taking crying babies from their mothers?  Keeping the NRA happy ?Fuck you…fuck you Mr. Fucktoid Cheetohead.

 

Cussing and taking action is happening right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

II

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Tears

Why the tears?

Why tonight?

Why are you sobbing my dear one?

I don’t know.

Something to do with Love.

A loving longing in me.

Wishes to speak.

There are words coming

Forces awkward..

Gentle Eve..kindness is needed here with you.

Music and movement.

You got something precious inside you.

Something new for you.

That’s what matters.

Its the book,

The poem,

The moment that matters…

Stop running from yourself my dear.

No facebook…no texting

Just for you.

Feel dear one.

Feel

Be

Trust..trust you.

Trying to find the magic.

You already have it.

There is no where to go…

Nothing to do

Stop trying

You’ve been trying forever.1798177_10152234373857023_796873160348847444_n

Mom’s Last Day

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It’s around my birthday, and I am thinking about Mom. Judy passed six years ago   I talked with a friend this morning about her last day. Tears welled up in my eyes.  Wanted to write something today for Mom

Mom’s Last Day.

It started out as a crisp bright unseasonable warm day in February 2011.Mom enjoyed the day by going outside in her motorized wheelchair. I wasn’t with her until the evening. I had planned to stay the night. Mom was weaker. I sensed during that week that she was energetically going in and out of her body. She was practicing to go…..she was ready to leave her body. The last evening she was misspelling wotds on her ipad and and her fingers tips had  turned blue. Those are signs of taking in less oxygen.

That evening I gave mom her evening meal in her IV drip. Mom was taking in liguid food through a feeding tube. There was some confusion about her medicaton. It was given too close to her food and mom began  to asphyxiate. My step-father and I tried to get the liguid out of mom’s throat with a suction tube. We couldn’t remove the liquid. Mom was chocking. I called the Hospice nurse. Bless her. She told me to give mom morphin to help Mom. The Hospice nurse came over and gave mom more morphine and an oxygen mask.  At the time the  nurse arrived. My Step- father realized what was going on. He couldn’t cope and screamed/cried and went into his bedroom for the night. Mom was his rock.

The nurse and I were with Mom as she lay in bed in the living room. Nurse warned this could be a catastrophic event. Mom could be dying.  I stayed with Mom through the night. Around 3am, I was lying on the carpet next to Mom’s bed. I remember Mom looking out the window at something/someone. She reached out her hand as if to hold someone’s hand. In my mind ‘s eye, I saw Mom take her Grandmother Annabelle’s hand and then Mom’s hand dropped and she let go of her body.

In the morning, my Step-Father came out of his room. . He was an emotional mess. I comforted him. I made the phone calls to the hospice nurse who loving took care of Mom’s body (same one who came the night before). My sisters and their husbands  and children came over.  We held each other. I called my Uncle Jack. My Father happened to be in town. My father held me.

I wish I had called my sisters so that they could have been there through the night with Mom I know it was Mom’s time to go. I know I was there for her and Mom knew that. I Love you Mommaseita. Thank you for my Life and your Love.

Never wrote about this before. Feels good. I feel released.

Questions from I Got This!

Some questions asked in I Got This!:
What does Love feel like to you?
What do you really want?
What are you afraid of?
What behavior do you need to face?
How do you show up for yourself?
Who else has you back?
What is your truth?
What gets you out of your comfort zone?
What are you open to receiving?
What are the keys to your life?
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Love?

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Love is in the bright eyes of a little one riding on  dad’s shoulders at a protest on a sunny day in Grant Park.

Love is in the  mother holding her child close after a long night of Croup.

Love is in the joy of a puppy who learns about snow for the first time.

Nothing to get in the way.

Real. Moments.

For me it is the moment I feel myself stand up..not scared…on both my feet with the keys to my own damn life…that is Love too.