Out of Body


As a kid I was a running, jumping, roller-skating..kind of kid.  Active and in my body. At the age of nine, I was doing gymnastics..learning to flip-flop but also to leave my body. During a long hot car ride, I was being my usual annoying self just being a kid…My father was driving and mom was next to me in the back seat of our station wagon. I don’t know what I said or did…but my father grabbed my leg and started hitting my leg and my mother next to me started slapping my upper body….

I know I fucking just fucking left my body..seemed like it went on for ever. Probably lasted a few seconds, but I learned that I wasn’t safe.

Next thing I know mom is crying in a motel room. I sit down next to her on the bed and say Its” ok..I am ok mom.”  I learned in those moments that I wasn’t safe and that it was my  job to comfort.

Codpendency was born!!

It wasn’t ok!!!!  I wasn’t ok. It was mom and dad’s job to keep me safe and comfort me. I was just nine.









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