Top 10 Tips for Moving On

Eve, a Nomadic Queen/

Top 10 Tips for Moving On

Tip # 1

When your grandmother tells you to leave your husband, just do it.

Tip # 2

When your grandmother hollers “Get out!” , question her cautiously.

“You mean grandma, out of your apartment or out of the miserable marriage I find myself in? If at ninety she doesn’t roll your suitcase after you.she meant get out of your stinking painful marriage.

Tip # 3

Dedicate several books to your brilliant grandmother, even after she passes away.

I am glad I come from you Grandma.

Tip # 4

Come up with a plan and leave damn-it!

Don’t wait another year hoping he would change. Take care of yourself. Okay, Grandma.

Tip # Five

I have a plan and I leave my husband, my home. everything I’ve known for the past five years. I freak.

Tip # Six

Freak out safely  at a girlfriend’s house. She had a spare futon and a large friendly shoulder to cry on. It helps to land where your friend has gone through what you are going through and survived.  Fellow Divorce Survivor. Thank you my Bad Kitty Friend.

Tip # Seven

Beware of the Tape Monster. Around this time of boxing stuff up, I learned about the Urban Legend of the Tape Monster. It is said that if you find yourself taping up boxing after 4am, the Tape Monster may find you and get you. When he does you will be found the next day hopefully for your sake breathing all taped up in a box.

I remember this warning and always stop packing after 2am. Please head my warning.

Tip # Eight

Always return friend’s books, pillows, sweaters etc. Keep toothbrushes. I have a nasty habit of borrowing sweaters and not quickly returning them. Sorry my sisters. In a way, maybe your sweater is part of my nesting, making myself feel more comfortable by having something that reminds me of you. “No, Eve just give back the sweater. It was my favorite and I knitted it myself.

Tip # Nine

Stop pity parties and beat up on Eve festivals.

They have been well attended, but too many bruises and heartbreaks.  Enough! Just give back the damn sweater.

Tip # Ten

It is okay to say F—K you a lot.  Saying “Fuck you, you dirty bastard swine” feels really good …..


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